I Loved you then and I still LOVE YOU NOW!

Have you ever had those times when you wished you could have just another minute with them? Do you get that feeling just for a sec to look a tad bit harder to see if you can see past the pain? Has the pain blinded you or opened your eyes? Have you ever second guessed the what ifs? Does your mind run through an old version of your time but with a different outcome as you once remembered but just as painful nonetheless. It doesn't matter how many times we replay that same movie, it still comes out the same way in the end. Only this time you had your minute again, not once but several times. Viewed in every angle possible. Are we/ am I just trying to rewrite life in order to make sense of the outcome. Funny how when I reflect back on things and even do it in the way I would love for things to have gone, I can only go so far then there is just a blank space. I try to fill it in with what ifs, but just like any other day in my life the what ifs are just that. See, Gods plan I can see the whole picture. The good, the bad and the ugly. I can look back on the realness of my life and see growth and during the growth I can see many falls and even failures. I ask God often if He would open the book to my life and give me a little peek as to the whys and how come, just so I can understand the "big" picture vs the here and now....and the before that keeps playing in my head. I see out of all the play backs I have done in my dreams during the night to the times I am swept away for a moment brought on by the most simplest thing, that I still can not achieve what I thought I wanted or needed. All I can do is let it be known how I feel and allow God to do what He had planned out to do way before I was even born. As I wait I continue to pray, that those who walked into my life to those who just walk out, will desire the same ending and that would be a servant of God's.

I love you, I always have and always will. God gave me free will to choose, thank goodness He wrote the book. Know that I am here, keep looking and when the time is right take that step toward me because I have been walking towards you for a very long time. Time doesn't heal all wounds, God does.

I love you. Look into my eyes and say my name and you will feel me deeper then you knew you would or could. You still know me, you always have and always will.

Hold on tight, its been a long ride.

Me