Setting the example

This morning I listened to a CD given to me by a friend about the woman's roll in the marriage. As I listened to it I was shocked to find the preacher talking about me as if he knew me personally. That wasn't so but it also tells me that I am not the only one.

See it was talked about how us as women need to be there for our husbands. I know this and for me I have no problem with this at all UNTIL enough time passes where I feel like I am a single married woman with child. My daughter and I spend a lot of time together. See I home school her which I love and would not change that at all. The one issue I have is as much as I love Alexis I can not be her everything. She needs time with kids in order to be a kid otherwise I am creating a little mini me. That brings me to this entry in the blog. I have/am creating a little me.

The message on the CD talked about women training their little girls to be just like them when they are around to listen to us complain about whats wrong in our home. Starting with what the husband does or does not do as far as his role. I find myself doing his job and mine on most issues. The one thing I will say positive about my husband is his faith is strong and hes a hard worker, better then most who would have given up a long time ago.

As women we think our job is to raise children when in fact our job is to be there for our husbands as the helper as God said. Sure we are to take care of the children but our first thought should be our husband. This is where I fall way short. I tend to let my husband go about his day after I have tended to his lunch, ironed his clothes, and started his car during the winter months of coarse. :-)

See for a long time and still think that, this was my HELPING my husband. I was there for him when ever he called I was right there. I did as he asked and even did as I wanted when I started thinking he wasn't making the best choices for our family. BIG mistake. God wants us to be our husbands helper...supporter. That being NOT second guessing his moves but letting him be the priest of the house. I really need to work on this and ask God to deliver from this need to not trust him or think my way is better. I feel alone therefore I must be alone and make all the decisions in the home.

While I'm thinking I am alone with Alexis I naturally bring her in as joint decision maker with me. NOT on the major house stuff, I hope you know what I mean. She is my little buddy. I may be thinking what I am doing is right and can find every reason to prove to you why doing things this way is right still does not make it right. The message today talked about the same little girls growing up listening to mom run her husband down and it didn't matter how eloquently I stated my case the fact being she witnessed it all. She will then grow up and as a teenager now find herself running him down for different reasons or perhaps the same ones she heard early on in life. Wow, I never looked at the big picture as to what I was creating here. It wouldn't stop here either. It would go on with her future husband. I'm sure he would love that....we should prepare him. Mental note....tell her future husband that she was raised listening to me second guess my husband always making him feel unworthy as the priest of the house. Do you think he will over look that part of her? She already has some strong genes in her family....times 2.

I bring this all up because the other night was one of those nights I witnessed first hand my 9 year old daughter talk to her father as if she were an adult. Now I could tell you the back story and you probably may even agree with what she said but that's not the fact here. The fact is she is learning from me and I am enabling her by not putting a stop to this. How can I when I too have the same issues and agree with her frustrations when it comes to her dad.

I'm the adult, God answers prayer and with time we can change. My bullheadedness says how much time do we have to wait? Just when I start to overcome my issues with stuff bam something is said or done and 2 steps back I go. The mother in me wants to protect Alexis. Shes in no danger, physically anyways. Mentally she will need help to relearn that men are in charge. :-) I'm sure shes got that figured out, whats missing is teaching her and I the final answer is not always mine to give.

When I was young I never wanted kids. Can you imagine that? As time passed I thought I wanted kids and tried but never succeeded. I grew angry and justified it by telling myself that because I didn't want kids when I was younger God listened and didn't give me any. That was a hard blow and from that point I lived life and not the best one at that.

The day God blessed us with finding out we were pregnant with Alexis I knew then there was a reason and more then I would know. My mom died when Alexis was 9 months old and I knew that God blessed us with Alexis because He knew that I would not have anyone. I mean hubby is 16 years different in age. I know God blessed me with her to be with me when I grow old. Well that's the way I think it was meant for anyways.

They say that you need to first admit the problem before you can change. I admit to my problem and now with continue prayer and daily work at this I know I can raise the child I thought I was going to do when I first found out I was pregnant. I can raise a mommas girl who loves and respects God and her father.

Love ya bunches!

Deb